I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
