So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
