Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
