"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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