Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
