When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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