Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
