I'm jealous of your bromance
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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