Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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