I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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