I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
