Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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