i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
