a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he was CRYING into my vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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