Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
