he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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