my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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