I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
