If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
