Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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