its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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