FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
