Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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