I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
