The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
