I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
