I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
