They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
50% drunk capacity currently
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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