woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
