he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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