I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Brb crying the tears of my youth
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
