HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
