I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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