mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just forgot I was standing up.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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