We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
