Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
