I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
