is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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