I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
