What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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