So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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