Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
