Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
