i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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