If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
