wat bout pragnant strippers??
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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