my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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