So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
