lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
