"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
