She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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