Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
only you would photoshop your dick
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
