dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This baby is an asshole
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
