She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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